Monogamy: The Ultimate Path to Spiritual Enlightenment
In celebration of our (JAL and I) 21st wedding anniversary (August 18, 2016), I wanted to share this life-changing spiritual realization we both have had in our 21st year of marriage. This day also happens to be a full moon and to make it rare and powerful, we also see a significant Yod configuration in the sky (see Full Red Moon With Lunar Eclipse August 18, 2016… The Finger Of God And The Karmic Mission for technical details). Yod is the 10th letter of the Hebrew alphabet, one of the most important because it is the beginning of the name of God (Yod Hey Hey Wav) and it means “God’s finger” or “Hand of God”. It it there to remind us of the infinite capacity of the Will of God (which is actually the Will of Humanity’s Collective Heart) to support all Creation and to attune with our Collective Heart to receive insight and inspiration for our spiritual and physical evolution on Earth. Unexpected changes will occur to help us move to the next level of our journey. We will feel a strong need to free ourselves of the past and all the limitations that do not allow us to be at our full potential. We will be encouraged to acknowledge and express directly our feelings so that our relationships can heal and evolve. With the movement of e-motions (e for “energy” that needs to be in “motion”), our intuition will naturally increase resulting in profound insights and realizations, self-discovery, and the resurrection of our soul which has been buried alive for so long.
It’s interesting that JAL and I experienced this awakening in our marriage in our 21st year, the year when the last of the adult privileges (e.g., the right to drink alcohol) is granted in most countries. Not that we encourage the drinking of alcohol, but the significance of our marriage finally entering adulthood completely means, we, as a result of becoming a full adult, can now start contributing in a more full capacity to the society we live in. As with most awakenings in our spiritual journey in Life, the awakening is rude, and JAL warned me that some of the taboo or “politically incorrect” topics I cover in this article will result in some people name-calling me or de-friending me in Facebook. I am not one who seeks controversy, but I feel I have a right and responsibility to speak my Truth, as does everyone else. May we still remain friends despite our difference in opinions…
Contrary to what we have been told, spiritual enlightenment is not about sitting in meditation for hours or days on end to reach and sustain a state of Nirvana (see Enlightenment: Freedom From All Suffering blog article for technical details). The real state of enlightenment is simply a state in which you are free of all emotional, mental, and physical wounds and insecurities (have no ‘buttons’ which can be pushed or no holes in your aura or energy field), in which you are completely healed and whole again and therefore can be at your full potential all the time and respond to transgressions or injustices in a way that is healing for all parties. Meditation alone can never actually do all this for you. Meditation is just actually a small piece of the healing process. It is much easier to be at peace, happy, and in a state of Union with All when you are alone meditating in a cave or in a forest (or at home sitting on a meditation cushion), but the moment you stop meditating (even after many years of meditation like the Dalai Lama) and interact with people, especially in close relationships with them (e.g., as a spouse or with children), the wounds and insecurities will surface again. Most religions or traditions that teach enlightenment are misleading the populace by encouraging us to be celibate and leave our spouse and children (if we have any), parents, siblings, other family, friends, and society. This is a great way to attain the illusion of enlightenment and delay our path to healing, wholeness, and perfection to maintain the Control Matrix.
With 50% of marriages in the United States on average ending in divorce and with extra-marital affairs occurring in 50-80% of them, it seems easy to conclude that monogamy does not work or seem natural, especially for men since they are responsible for most of the extra-marital affairs. Even in the animal kingdom (insects, fish, birds, reptiles, non-human mammals) monogamy is rare. Granted humans are also different from the animal kingdom in many ways so throughout most of the documented human history, monogamy and polygamy (especially polygyny, one man with multiple wives) have been the two most common forms of relationship. Currently there seems to be a trend towards non-monogamous relationships, especially polyamory (an open committed relationship between three or more people in which all parties have to agree on the persons in the relationship). This article is an attempt to critically analyze the phenomena of human relationships to discover how it can actually lead us to sustain the highest state of spiritual enlightenment possible in a physical body.
An Observed Phenomena Does Not Mean It is Normal/Natural
Just like the phenomena of the onset of puberty becoming earlier and earlier (Newsweek, 1/26/15) does not mean that early onset of puberty is therefore normal and natural, the failure and decline of monogamous relationships and the rise in non-monogamous relationships over time does not mean that non-monogamous relationships are normal or natural for humans either. As on as there are other plausible ways to explain the phenomena, the phenomena should not be understood or accepted as normal or natural.
What can give us a good clue as to what humans really want deep down inside is the language that they use to describe monogamous relationships. Many non-monogamous proponents say monogamy is just an idealistic fantasy believing that there is only one person out there for you who will love you, be faithful to you, desire and be with you forever. Something that is “ideal” and is a “fantasy” actually tells us that humans really do want monogamous relationships deep down inside (everyone wants what is ideal and loves fantasies) but because they have had and witnessed many heartbreaks and failures they have given up on their teenage dreams and settled for something less.
We must also take into account what children really want for their parents. They would naturally love to have their mom and dad love each other and be with each other forever. This is a pure and innocent desire and expectation. We all want our mom and dad to be happy together as we were born from that love between them, essentially an expression of their love for each other. It is very painful for children to realize that their parents did not really love each other (that they were not born from Love) and to learn so early in life that Love is transient or does not last is really a false teaching or damaging belief system that will simply replicate itself as broken or impermanent relationships. Like a self-fulfilling prophecy, this fosters a fear of commitment, dedication, devotion, patience, hard work, and loyalty which encourages people to get out of a relationship, friendship, place, job, community, etc., whenever the situation goes in a direction they do not like. This ultimately maintains the status quo because many opportunities to improve ourselves, others, or unjust systems or policies are missed. Knowing how Life on Earth works, giving up so easily or settling for what is less than ideal will never lead to much needed change in our world and true inner peace and happiness in Life.
Just because most males in the animal kingdom fight over the right to mate with as many females as possible in order to spread only the most dominant genes to increase the survival of the species does not mean that humans need to spread their most dominant genes. Because humans are already at the top of the food chain with no predators and with a level of intelligence and capability way beyond all other species on Earth, spreading dominant genes makes no sense. In fact, we need to do the opposite. We need to be less dominant and more cooperative. What we need in the human gene pool is the passing on of each person’s genes to maximize diversity and we can only get this if we have monogamous pairings to ensure that all genes get expressed (no sperm competition) and the offspring are raised successfully and in the healthiest and most stable environment possible. Stable, intact families are the foundations for healthy individuals and therefore a healthy society. Unfortunately, there has been a deliberate attempt to break families apart to thwart, prevent or delay the process of enlightenment. See The Truth About Sex: Facts You Won’t Believe Are True! video for eye-opening data on the financial, social, political, psychological, environmental, and physical costs of divorce in a given society.
Why Polyamory is a Poor Solution to the Problems of Monogamy
- Since extra-marital affairs tend to plague monogamy, polyamory simply prevents this from occurring by having these extra people approved beforehand. This is how polyamorists can claim that they do not cheat, lie, be easy, or sleep around because it is already legalized in their relationship.
- Polyamory prevents the boredom that occurs in monogamy by allowing others openly into the relationship. However, as we will find out later on in this article, boredom is actually a symptom of a much deeper issue so adding another person will prevent you from solving this important issue.
- Polyamory tries to prevent jealousy by trying to feel its opposite which is compersion which means to feel joy, delight, and even sexual arousal when one’s partner loves or is being loved by another. This is how polyamorists can claim that they love bigger and deeper than most and that their heart is too big for any one person to fill. When a person starts to say they love multiple people, the love they have for each other seems to be more like the love for friends. We love each of our friends equally and can have many of them and therefore do not feel jealousy between them but instead feel joy when our friends enjoy each other’s company. In other words, the special meaning of the relationship is lost when a person claims to love more than one and becomes similar to a friendship type of love (the only difference is that they are most likely having sex with each friend in the relationship).
- Polyamory avoids digging too deep into another’s wounds and insecurities by having other people in the relationship to help diffuse the tension or situation from escalating. For example, if you could not get certain needs met in one relationship, you could get the needs met in the other relationship therefore avoiding any conflict and therefore any opportunity to improve. The stirring of wounds and insecurities in monogamous relationships is what leads to many conflicts that if left unresolved end up as extra-marital affairs, boredom, jealousy, or divorce.
- Polyamory avoids the stress that monogamous couples with children experience because they have more support or help with household chores, raising children, and finances.
A polyamory relationship does make it easier for one to escape having to change or improve oneself because if there is a conflict with the first person, one can simply go to the next person to escape conflict or improvement and find comfort. Because polyamory simply tries to avoid or prevent these relationship problems from arising instead of dealing with the root causes of these problems, it is just a temporary band-aid solution which delays our healing journey back to wholeness.
The Real Reason Why Monogamy Fails & How to Prevent This
Just because a large number of people fail at monogamy does not mean that monogamy itself is bad. The real reason why monogamy can fail is because a monogamous relationship makes it easier to touch our wounds and insecurities because we are with our partner almost all the time. We sleep, eat, and do things together almost daily. In addition, most of us are not aware of our own wounds and insecurities (i.e., we deny or ignore that they exist and do not heal them) so when they get stirred up we tend to blame the other person as being the cause of our suffering or we project onto our partner that they have the problem and not us. So the real reason why monogamy fails is not monogamy itself, but the fact that most of us react and project our issues onto our partner instead of owning our own issues (our own part of the conflict). Instead of allowing our partner to support us on our healing journey, we use them as a convenient scapegoat which becomes an obstacle to our healing journey back to wholeness or enlightenment. So the problems that plague most monogamous relationships (i.e., boredom, extra-marital affairs, jealousy, projection) are most likely symptoms of our own underlying unhappiness or wounds and insecurities that mostly stem from childhood and are simply replicating themselves in the current relationship.
The self-healing practice I have used successfully for myself and my clients and that I recommend for each partner to do in a monogamous relationship (or to successfully prepare yourself for a monogamous relationship), is the Reconnecting Your Holy Trinity method detailed in the Beyond the Earth Matrix: Soul-Harvesting in the Cosmic Matrix & How to Free Yourself blog article. As each partner in the relationship gets clarity over their own issues and insecurities and where they come from, each person in the relationship can now take turns being a life coach and loving support system for each other. This is the most ideal healing situation because the couple is together almost every day where opportunities for healing will arise throughout the day through daily interactions with each other. Not only will the couple naturally become so close to each other emotionally so that the love for each other intensifies, but the physical attraction will also naturally intensify. This is the whole idea and purpose behind a monogamous relationship that most people have not been taught or told. We have been programmed to believe that monogamous relationships are all about finding the one person who will complete you and make you so happy, but the truth is that you are responsible for your own healing (and therefore your own happiness) and that your partner is just there to be a loving support and mirror for you through this healing journey and vice versa. Ultimately, they are not responsible for your healing. They are there only to support it in the best way that they can because they have their own issues to deal with. In a monogamous relationship, you must expect conflicts to arise when you and your partner are not completely healed yet. Instead of allowing these moments of conflict to break the relationship apart, you must both look at them as opportunities to understand yourselves and your own wounds and insecurities. In every conflict, there are always both sides to the story that must be understood and owned by each party. I have yet to encounter a conflict in my marriage to JAL in which it was just my wound or insecurity that was causing or contributing to it or just his wound or insecurity. It is always both so this should help both parties love each other even more (easier to forgive each other) and have the courage to heal themselves (be emotionally naked or honest with no defenses or walls around them).
Monogamy also does not work well in the monetary system lifestyle where people are forced to live in nuclear families instead of the original extended families or tribes (see Intentional Community/Ecovillage to learn more). Monogamous couples with children tend to experience more stress and therefore more marital discord when living as a nuclear family. However, monogamous couples with children living in intentional communities receive the support they need without having to open up their relationship like in polyamory. One of the benefits polyamorists cite is the support they get in raising children, house chores, and finances which makes it much easier when you live the monetary system lifestyle. Polygyny (one husband with multiple wives or concubines) is historically practiced by wealthy males because they can easily afford to care for more women. Cultural norms, their own biology as a mother, and economic systems make it harder for women to support themselves or others financially so there is a dependence on the man to support them making monogamous relationships impractical in the face of economic poverty or starvation.
Some proponents of polyamory say that having many in a relationship can stir up many more wounds thereby giving you more insight and feedback from multiple people which can accelerate the healing process. Though this sounds good in theory, when you actually think it through logically or practically, it will be very hard to really get to know one person if there are multiple others involved. First, you have to split your time among all these people which would significantly reduce the amount of time you can potentially spend with each one to really get to know them and build that bond and trust. Second, you cannot experience Creative Love which is a very important part of our emotional, mental, and spiritual health and is the true foundation for Universal Love. See Oneness (Universal Love) vs. Uniqueness (Creative Love), Why It is Easier to Love Many, But Difficult to Love One, and The Power of the Nuclear Relationship sections in this article to learn more. Third, you do not have to open a relationship (enter into a committed sexual relationship with many simultaneously) in order to have wounds activated and receive feedback from many others. Living and working in a tribal (intentional or ecovillage) community platonically with others will naturally give you this opportunity. Lastly, by definition, the sacredness and power of sex is lost when it is shared with more than one person. See Sodomy, Reverse Kundalini, & Pornography, Awakening the Sacred Feminine (the Power of the Vagina) to Awaken the Sacred Masculine, and Expressing & Experiencing Love Through the Physical Body in Holy Matrimony sections in this article to learn more.
How Boredom, Monotony, or Need for Variety is a Symptom of a Deeper Issue
In order to truly understand the issue of boredom in a relationship we need to first understand the real purpose of relationships and what really makes them worthwhile. Most people believe that relationships are for the purpose of having regular sexual relations, for constant companionship to avoid feeling lonely, and for the purpose of having children. Though those things can certainly be significant components of a relationship and satisfies the need of the ego, it is not the real purpose of a relationship which is what would satisfy the needs of the soul. The real purpose of a relationship or what would make it very valuable or worth the time and dedication is to help us evolve as human beings by healing from our past (wounds and insecurities) so that we could live more in the present to create a better future and increase our capacity to Love. A monogamous relationship is the best type of relationship to accomplish this because of the profound opportunity to get to know each other at very deep levels and have our wounds and insecurities touched or surfaced through one-to-one interactions. Boredom or monotony can only surface in a relationship if the relationship is superficial meaning that both partners avoid conflict by keeping conversations and activities superficial so that the relationship does not evolve and it reaches a stagnation. The opportunity to get to know each other at deeper levels has stopped because the deeper you dig into anyone the more shadows, wounds, and insecurities you will find.
What Can Cause Infidelity, Understanding Its Root Cause
Proponents of non-monogamous relationships say that since it is normal to be physically attracted to those who are physically attractive, then we should respect that attraction and allow Nature to take its course. This argument applies very well to animals but humans are a very different class of animals. We are so different that we do many things that animals would never do like invent and make complex tools and machinery and have a higher level of consciousness and self-awareness that goes way beyond the reptilian part of our brain that is just concerned with food, sex, and physical security. We have significantly higher brain functions for a reason. Being attracted to others outside of a relationship is as normal as craving a donut when a donut is within your sight. However, it does not mean that you should eat that donut. If we acted on all our impulses and unhealthy cravings we would be in big trouble. This is when our higher brain steps in and makes rational and reasonable decisions that are good for us and others. In fact, if you are a healthy enlightened individual with all your wounds and insecurities healed, the physical attraction to another person outside of your relationship would most likely not even occur in the first place and even if it does occur, it is naturally channeled back to your partner actually increasing the passion for your partner. The external stimuli serves to be just a reminder of our own passion and desires to express to our Beloved. In fact, you actually prefer to have sex with your loved one than with a another because of all the love you have for your loved one makes the sex so much more intense than with a stranger, acquaintance, or friend you have not developed any deep bond with. Once you experience the difference between empty physical sex with a stranger, acquaintance, or friend, and sex driven by love-fueled passion for your Beloved, there is no comparison and you will not ever want to go back to just physical sex.
- The symptom of boredom as explained in the previous section above
- Over-emphasis in the media on sex without Love, commercializing sex by using sexuality to sell or advertise products and services
- Soap operas, celebrities, and politicians engaged in extra-marital affairs or sex scandals
- Aberrant forms of sex in the pornography and prostitution industry
- Sexual molestation in childhood
- Drugs and alcohol which suppresses our conscious mind (makes us more unconscious or lose control of our self) so that we are easily influenced by outside forces
- Eating animal fat and protein which keeps our steroid hormones (both sex and stress hormones) unusually high (see Humanity’s Evolution to Vegetarianism, Veganism & Breatharianism)
- Prolonged separation from partner
- Dissatisfaction in relationship or with partner, unmet sexual or other needs
- Abandonment issues from childhood (e.g., divorced parents, foster/adoptive parents, orphan) creating a fear of commitment
- Sex driven only by lust or libido instead of being fueled by Love and being a physical expression of the Love between partners
- Sexual pressure to perform to prove one’s sexual power, virility, dominance, manhood, or significance
- Affairs as a way to prove to oneself that we are still young, attractive and desirable, boosting one’s self-esteem and confidence
However, the root cause of all infidelity are all the unhealed wounds and insecurities one has which makes one very susceptible to all kinds of bad influences. Because these wounds and insecurities are preventing us from ever experiencing a deep spiritual connection with another, this creates a desperate unconscious yearning for a deep soul connection with another. Since sex physically symbolizes the deepest connection you can have with another (actual connection of physical body parts), many people unconsciously pursue and are obsessed with it for this reason. The quickest way to experience a momentary glimpse of deep connection or superficial semblance of that connection is through the sexual act only to feel empty or alone again shortly afterwards, thinking that maybe with another person it will be different. The problem is that most people are unconscious of their deep human need for deep soul connection with another because it is their wounds and insecurities that cause this yearning in the first place and the healing process is too painful. Instead, we just pursue physical sex, sex which is devoid of Love because our wounds and insecurities are preventing us from being capable of truly loving another on a consistent and permanent basis. Sex is also the fastest way to get the attention and self-worth we are craving because deep inside we feel we are worthless due to our wounds and insecurities (e.g., our parents when we were children were not able to pay much attention to us or spend much time with us because they were both busy working so we felt neglected and unworthy of attention and therefore we are craving and starving for it).
Most people who are born into the monetary and government systems of stress and suffering will experience less than ideal amounts of love and attention from their parents (see The Most Successful Mind-Control Program in Human History). As a result, they will quickly learn when they reach puberty and adulthood that the easiest way to get temporary superficial love, attention, acceptance, self-worth and importance is through sexual attraction and the sexual act itself. As with any addiction, it is a way to temporarily escape our unconscious wounds and insecurities.
Sodomy, Reverse Kundalini, & Pornography
Sexual energy is the most powerful creative energy not only because it has the potential for physical procreation (reproduction), but because it also has the power to also create in the level of our mind. For this reason, it has been the number one tool for mind control by occultists (those who created and maintain the Control Matrix). It is used to separate your spirit/soul from your body (create a tear or opening in your aura) so that it can be possessed or controlled by dark non-human beings (see Beyond the Earth Matrix: Soul-Harvesting in the Cosmic Matrix & How to Free Yourself to learn about entities and dark beings). In almost all dark occult rituals, sodomy (anal sex) is used for mind-control and possession by dark beings because it can reverse the flow of kundalini energy (the spiritual energy that helps cleanse your chakras or major energy centers when it rises up the spine) to open up a portal in your root chakra (at the tailbone or base of the spine) for these beings to come in. Your root chakra is responsible for your sense of self and individuality (and correlates to the stage of infancy or young childhood in your life) so when it is penetrated with force or bad intention or it is already imbalanced or blocked, you become a mind-controlled slave stuck in infancy, reversing the flow of kundalini. Reverse kundalini actually makes you more unconscious (suppresses your conscious mind) so that you are easy to program (like a child). In other words, reverse kundalini (which is easily accomplished through anal sex) is the opposite of spiritual enlightenment and therefore should be avoided for those on the path to spiritual enlightenment. This explains why ritual sodomy is commonly practiced by government politicians, military, police, religious officials, and celebrities.
Sodomy is also an attempt to kill the Sacred/Divine Feminine because the vagina (along with the uterus) is the defining feature of the feminine or what really defines a woman or is her essence. Everyone has an anus so it is nothing special. Vaginal orgasms for a woman gives her the deepest pleasure or satisfaction and also for the man. For a man to penetrate her anus instead and ignoring the vagina (or giving it very little attention) is an insult to her vagina and womanhood (it’s like saying your vagina isn’t enough for me, I want more or better pleasure). Anal intercourse when the root chakra is imbalanced or blocked actually removes sensitivity from the vagina as the blood flow (and therefore nourishment and life force energy) is redirected towards the anus and gets stuck there. Over time, it can result in significantly reduced sensitivity in the vagina making it harder to achieve vaginal orgasm. A strong yet sensitive vagina is the key to awakening the Sacred Feminine (see next section to learn more) in the woman. The more a woman purifies herself to embody her authentic self, the more sensitive her vagina will be and the more pleasure she can give not only to herself but also to her partner as the deeper the vaginal orgasm, the stronger and longer is the orgasm. Vaginal orgasms can range from the opening of the vagina all the way to cervix and uterus (also called “the big squeeze” by some lucky men who have experienced it). Few couples have experienced these soul-merging, deep vaginal orgasms and therefore have eluded scientists trying to study female sexuality. These deep vaginal orgasms significantly prolong the orgasm for both the man and woman and the woman can cause or stop the man from ejaculating at will with her vagina. Having a strong and sensitive vagina also prevents the life force energy from escaping there and instead raises the energy upwards rejuvenating all your body cells so that you look and feel younger (Anami, 7/9/2016). See the following articles to learn more about ritual sodomy:
- Satanist Explains the Rites of Sodomy
- Freemasonry’s Best Kept Secret: Ritual Sodomy
- Interviewing Deprogrammers: In the House of the Strong Man Sodomy is the Key
- The Hollywood Kabbalah Cult Unmasked – Part III
- The Rite of Sodomy: Homosexuality and the Roman Catholic Church – Volume 1: Historical Perspectives From Antiquity to the Cambridge Spies
- The Rite of Sodomy: Homosexuality and the Roman Catholic Church – Volume 2: Male Homosexuality the Individual and the Collective
- Report: Pedophilia More Common Among ‘Gays’
In order to understand the damaging effects of pornography on our psyche, we need to understand the difference between lust and healthy sexual desire. Lust is a desire for unhealthy pleasure (e.g., extra-marital affairs, ritual/abusive sodomy). For example, to eat is a need of every human being; but to fulfill that need through gluttony (overeating) is lust. The most fulfilling and healthiest form of sex is sexual desire that is fueled by geniune Love for another. Geniune Love can only be developed over years of interaction, getting to know each other, and helping each other evolve. What differentiates humans from the animal kingdom is that our real nature is Unconditional Love and our purpose is to embody and express it on Earth. Unfortunately, we humans got corrupted so most do not realize this yet. Because Love is our true nature, everything we do or say should come from Love, including sex. As emotional beings with high levels of intelligence, consciousness and awareness it makes sense to radiate Love in all we do. This Earth would be such a paradise for all living creatures if we did which is why our path to spiritual enlightenment is so critical for all life on Earth to not only survive but to thrive. Pornography, as a part of the sexual liberation or “free love” movement, was designed to program us to separate sex from Love and just focus on physical sex/lust and feel good about it. This has led to unprecedented levels of extra-marital affairs, divorce, broken families/homes, gender-identity issues, narcissistic love/sex, non-monogamous relationships, drug and alcohol abuse, entertainment and materialistic consumerism, pedophilia, rape, sodomy, sado-masochism, bestiality, sex trafficking, prostitution, using sexuality to sell products, services or ideas, and other sexual perversions to keep humanity stuck in the reptilian part of their brains (which is concerned only with food, sex, and survival) so that they do not develop the higher parts of their brains. In short, the agenda of the sexual liberation or “free love” movement was to destroy the sacred foundation of a monogamous marriage (the very foundation of family, society, the couple, and the individual) so that sex is no longer a holy sacrament to be cherished between husband and wife for the rest of their life, but something to do with anyone and anything for mostly selfish, narcissistic reasons or instant gratification. See the following articles to learn more about the damaging effects of pornography:
- Why All Porn is Gay
- Playboy and the (Homo) Sexual Revolution
- Most Men are Victims of Porn
- How the Rockefellers Re-Engineeresd Women
- How the Gay Agenda Began -FULL DOCUMENTARY
UPDATE (7/27/2017): Sex is a very natural part of human life. As stated in the Orgasmic Water Birth: Our Lost Birthright article:
In humans, sex is not just for procreation. It is actually also for pleasure as a way to express Love physically between monogamous pairs which form the foundation of children and families and therefore society. For example, the only purpose of the female clitoris is to produce pleasure. It has no other biological function.
Also, what differentiates a monogamous relationship, or what makes it special, is that you only have sex within the relationship and with no one else as a way to express your Love for each other. This makes sex in a monogamous relationship extremely special and worth making a top priority every day or every other day when possible. Movies can express and show every aspect of our life including sex. The problem with pornography is that it portrays a lot of unhealthy and perverted sexual acts (i.e., rape, molesting children, violence, torture, bestiality, infidelity, sex without love, etc.) and those who are watching are very programmable (i.e., they still have wounds and insecurities).
Awakening the Sacred Feminine (the Power of the Vagina) to Awaken the Sacred Masculine
In a world dominated and controlled by men and the negative or lower aspects of masculinity (aggression, violence, competition, narcissism, lust), there has been a conscious attempt to suppress the Divine/Sacred Feminine (the matrix of Creation, Mother Earth, the nurturing, caring, creative, and cooperative spirit) in almost all aspects of our lives. As we learned in the previous section above, the vagina (together with the uterus) is the physical symbol of the Sacred Feminine because it is what makes her very different from a man. Divorcing Love from sex and not healing one’s own wounds and insecurities has made vaginal orgasms a rare occurrence for women, especially the deep vaginal orgasms, because these deep vaginal orgasms can only occur when a woman feels a deep loving connection to the man and trusts and lovingly submits to his power with all her heart and soul. Frequent vaginal orgasms naturally keep the vaginal muscles tight, tone, and sensitive. Since few women experience these amazing types of orgasms (and may have been a victim of ritual sodomy or engaged in sodomy with a blocked or imbalanced root chakra), their vaginas have gotten very weak and therefore insensitive. This naturally translates into weakened sexual desire for not only the woman but also for the man who also needs a strong and sensitive vagina for maximum pleasure, stimulation, and experience deep love and connection with a woman. With a strong and sensitive vagina, she can control whether and when a man ejaculates and whether or when she orgasms and even for how long the orgasm can be. A man who is lucky enough to experience a woman’s deep vaginal orgasm will not be able to hold back his orgasm in that moment no matter how hard he tries and it will be the most intense orgasm the man will experience as the vagina squeezes the penis from the bottom all the way up in rolling waves of ecstasy. This man will not want anything else than the experience of this deep vaginal orgasm which can only come when he earns the genuine Love, trust, respect, and surrender of his beloved, and vice versa. This is why healing one’s own wounds and insecurities so that we can really Love another is so important for awakening not only the Sacred Feminine, but in doing so, awaken the Sacred Masculine, the positive essence of masculinity in the world expressed as nobility, integrity, passion, and protecting, defending and upholding Truth and higher consciousness.
Since women have been the victims in human history for so long now, it will only change when the victim takes action to stop the abuse because the victimizer would rarely stop the victimization at their own will or on their own accord. Because only women have wombs, they have the original power and energy of Creation and the very definition or nature of Creation is to create something new. It is time for women all over the world to listen to their womb’s desire to birth a new future for humanity.
How Healing Wounds & Insecurities Naturally Makes You More Attractive & Loving
When you heal from your past traumas and insecurities, the Love for yourself naturally comes back and you start to naturally take good care of yourself physically as well to be healthy. You start to eat a healthy diet as dictated by your body, not by what others say is healthy, but what your body intuitively says is healthy because you become more in tune to its needs. With no wounds and insecurities, your Higher Self can descend and inhabit your physical body full-time. Junk foods or unnatural foods will no longer be appealing to you, but fresh fruits and vegetables will (see Humanity’s Evolution to Vegetarianism, Veganism, & Breatharianism). Your energy levels will increase as a result. You will look and feel more radiant and full of Light. Even as you grow older you will age gracefully and slowly and look naturally very attractive till the very end. You will naturally feel more sensual and really enjoy moving, exercising, and stretching your body more to maintain strength, endurance, and flexibility. Your heart and lung muscles will become stronger and more developed to pump optimal levels of blood and oxygen throughout the body. Your lymphatic system will be able to flow again (because it has no pump like the heart to move around so it is highly dependent on body movement). Your body will desire more sunlight, fresh air, fresh water, and connection with Earth energy and actually use these as alternative sources of energy for the body thereby reducing your need for food for energy. The pollution and noise of the cities will start to bother you to either do something about it or move out of there into a more natural environment that is more in harmony with Nature.
A healthy body together with an increased capacity to Love oneself naturally translates to more Love for others and especially towards your partner. You will naturally feel more Love and therefore more attraction to your partner and visa versa. You will feel the urge to touch them a lot more often, not just in sexual ways but simply to feel their body (e.g., exchanging full body massages regularly) and express love through physical touch (e.g., hugging, kissing, holding hands, caressing, squeezing, tickling, etc). This naturally will eventually express itself as physical and emotional passion in the bedroom and you will never need external or artificial stimulation to get aroused because your sexual energy comes from the Infinite spiritual energy called Love. JAL and I are making Love much more than we ever did before (but not to the point where it interferes with our important life work, daily responsibilities, and life mission) after 23+ years of relationship with each other (over 2.5 years of dating and 21 years of marriage as of the date of this article) and without needing any kinkiness or perverse outside stimulation (e.g., no fantasies with another person, role-playing, lingerie, porn, sex toys, Viagra, new or weird sex positions, Tantric practices, etc.). In fact, needing external or artificial stimulation is a sign of a lack of Love in the relationship because unhealed wounds and insecurities are in the way and creating conflict or distance. JAL and I are now just increasingly more present with each other and our levels of sensitivity just keeps on increasing making the Love-making progressively even more blissful with no end in sight. More frequent foreplay (i.e., building up of love tension during the day through loving interactions or conversations) and Love-making at night will naturally develop and strengthen the love muscles (the muscles of the pelvic floor including urinary, vagina, anus, and perineum muscles). To further develop and maintain these muscles, kegel exercises as well as the usage of a menstrual cup for women will help.
The other good news is that healing your wounds and insecurities will take time and most likely many years so as you become whole again you will find that the Love and passion in your monogamous relationship will actually intensify over time instead of decrease over time. It can become so intense that you actually feel like an innocent teenager in Love all over again. This is what JAL and I are experiencing now after 23+ years of relationship with each other. What most people think would not be possible in a monogamous relationship of that duration, is perfectly easy to explain once you understand what is happening when you experience significant healing. The experience of Love for your partner will actually be even more intense than a teenager in love or the honeymoon phase because it is Real. Being fueled and forged by a bond that can only be developed by so many years of actual life experiences with each other, it is impossible to replace with another without going through the same amount of dedicated time and experiences with another.
Expressing & Experiencing Love Through the Physical Body in Holy Matrimony
As souls inhabiting a physical human body we are given such an amazing opportunity to experience life through a physical body. Not only can we move and do all kinds of things with a physical body, but we can use the physical body to touch others in ways that are healing, healthy, affectionate, and sensual. Frequent touching or some form of daily physical contact in a monogamous relationship is critical to physically express the Love that one feels for each other every day. It is not enough to feel Love for each other. We must use our physical bodies to express physically that Love to each other; otherwise, we would not be humans and would be just souls. Kissing, hugging, holding hands, caressing, tickling, massaging, and love-making are all great ways to express Love physically. Ever since JAL and I started giving each other massages every other night and giving our kids massages on those alternate nights, it has really brought us all much closer to each other emotionally, mentally, and physically (in terms of expressing physical affection for each other). We naturally started communicating more honestly and openly with each other, sharing some deep feelings or thoughts that were either repressed or denied which really helped us heal ourselves even more. UPDATE (3/30, 2017): It is interesting to note that in regards to massage, our teenage kids have requested (as of the beginning of 2017) that JAL and I stop massaging them and instead just talk to them about their day, interests, or activities. This is probably because puberty is making them uncomfortable with this level of touch (even though the massages were completely platonic, i.e. no private parts were touched).
What differentiates a monogamous relationship from all other types of relationships (e.g., parent-child, siblings, other family, friends, co-workers, boss-subordinate, acquaintances, etc.) is the degree of touch and physical intimacy. Sex is what makes a monogamous relationship different from any other since you only have sex in this relationship and not in any other relationship. Since sex is sacred and holy, it is made very special by sharing it with only one person. If you had sex with multiple different people, the specialness or sacredness of the sex is diminished or negated and becomes just physical sex. When one concentrates all one’s sexual energy on loving one person as deeply as is possible in a lifetime, sex becomes the ultimate expression of Love on the physical plane for your Special One and yourself. In a monogamous relationship, Love is expressed not only through the actual sex act itself, but also through the other types of physical touch that increases the bonding and sexual desire that will eventually lead to the sexual act. For this reason, in order for a monogamous relationship to work, certain levels of physical touch in addition to the sexual act should be made special and shared only between the couple. For example, holding hands (unless it is to lead or guide a young child), kissing on lips, massage (unless you are a professional massage therapist), full body hugs, snuggling, leaning or placing body parts on another for prolonged periods, etc. This creates a sacred boundary around the monogamous relationship creating a special space in which touch is very significant and is the physical and spiritual foundation of the relationship.
UPDATE (3/30/2017): As I continue making progress in my healing journey, I have reached a point where I am discovering what it really means to be a woman or to embody the Sacred Feminine on a sexual level. Historically, there have been two seemingly conflicting female sexual archetypes: The Prostitute/Nymph and The Virgin/Mother. You were either one or the other and could not be both. I discovered that the Sacred Feminine actually embodies both simultaneously and that they could only coexist or be possible in an advanced monogamous relationship. I realized that women actually have the potential to store vast amounts of sexual energy (even more than a man) which explains why women in general can more easily have multiple orgasms with almost no rest in between them. Women will naturally get this vast amount of sexual energy when they have made significant progress in their healing journey. This abundant sexual energy will make the woman feel very sensual and actually feel it to be one of her main roles in the relationship (i.e., to be The Prostitute/Nymph for her man). She will become very active, thoroughly enjoy seducing her man by taking very good care of herself inside and outside to be as attractive and healthy as possible, and doing things to really ignite her man’s sexual fire on all levels. I realized that becoming the initiating and active sexual partner significantly ignites my sexual desire, too. This is why men seem to have a much larger sexual appetite than women (because they usually take the initiating/active role). I also realized that men are actually more emotionally sensitive than women which explains why men have a tendency to build emotional walls or barriers around them (appear stoic or hardened) because they are too emotionally sensitive (cannot handle emotions well). This level of emotional sensitivity that is now repressed on the emotional level becomes expressed at the physical level as high levels of sexual sensitivity, desire, lust, or addiction. To exacerbate the problem, cultural or societal norms also encourage men from birth through adulthood to not cry. Women, on the other hand, tend to be less emotionally sensitive which is why they can handle a higher amount of emotional pain and therefore do not have as much of a tendency to build emotional walls or barriers around them. To make the emotional insensitivity worst, culture and societal norms also encourage women to be more emotionally expressive. This leads to emotional energy drainage (if the emotions were not expressed in a healing manner) which affects their physical sexual energy levels leading to low levels of libido. By switching roles every so often (i.e., women taking the more active sexual role thereby allowing men to be more passive), their sexual energies will be more balanced resulting in marital bliss fulfilling the man’s fantasy of being married to a virtuous slut and a woman’s fantasy of being a one-man whore.
Only in a monogamous relationship can a woman also embody The Virgin/Mother archetype (simultaneously with The Prostitute/Nymph archetype). I embody The Virgin/Mother archetype because I am faithful and virtuous to only one man (and also enjoy being in the sexually passive role, i.e., allow JAL to take the active role when he feels like it) and I enjoy and excel at nurturing our children, my husband, and home environment. Embodying both archetypes simultaneously makes me feel like a real and complete woman which is the opposite of feminist ideology (see Feminism is a Depopulation Program). Embodying the Sacred Feminine encourages or allows the Sacred Masculine (represented by The King and The Warrior archetypes) to emerge. The King archetype is the man’s desire to provide physical needs in the form of shelter, food, sex, and order (justice). The Warrior archetype is the man’s desire to protect the physically weak (women, children, animals, trees, etc.) from danger.
How Circumcision Undermines Monogamy & Destabilizes Society
The practice of male circumcision (cutting off the foreskin of the penis) is another tool used by the Control Matrix to undermine monogamy and destabilize society. Notice that the top three unstable cultures (Muslim, Jews, U.S.) have the highest percentage of circumcised males. This can be explained by understanding a little-known fact about foreskin physiology. The foreskin has highly specialized receptors on it that the rest of the body does not. The foreskin receptors are intended to pick up vaginal secretions/hormones. These vaginal secretions then trigger an electrical-chemical reaction, not only in the penis itself although there are many that occur there, but also in the brain of the male encouraging it to mature or develop the parts of the brain that make men bond with the woman and feel more empathy and love. See Clif’s Wujo: The Pen Island Conspiracy YouTube video to learn more.
Though female circumcision (cutting off the clitoris) is significantly worst physically than male circumcision because it removes all ability for the female to orgasm, this article will focus on male circumcision only because male circumcision is much more prevalent (estimated by the World Health Organization to be up to 30% of the world’s males, which is conservatively about 650 million, have been circumcised). In particular, this article will focus on the psychological and behavioral ramifications of male circumcision which creates unstable individuals and therefore chaos in the larger community. So if you are not familiar with the myths of circumcision and its history and prevalence, please see:
- The Facts Behind Circumcision
- The Truth About Circumcision
- Circumcision: The Whole Story
- The Danger of Circumcision | Tim Hammond and Stefan Molyneux
Sex is the very foundation of a healthy monogamous relationship. If both partners are not fully enjoying their sexual experience with each other, then the relationship will develop problems beyond the already existing sexual problems. Circumcision is the removal of the skin that protect and make even more pleasurable the most erogenous or sensitive part of the penis: the head or glans. The foreskin is the only part of the penis that is movable and is necessary for natural sexual stimulation for the penis. With the foreskin gone and the glans now constantly exposed, it will over time harden, callous, and be a lot less sensitive. This is why significantly more circumcised men experience erectile dysfunction as they get older and resort to Viagra, pornography, prostitution, anal sex, younger or smaller vaginas, sex addiction or promiscuity (focus on quantity to make up for lack of quality of sex), avoid the use of condoms (practice more unsafe sex) because they decrease sensitivity even more, and even rape and sadomasochism in order to feel something. This decreased sensitivity of the head of the penis also forces the man to thrust differently than a natural, intact man. See the Top Ten Ways Circumcised Penis Harms Women web site for a very eye-opening explanation of the devastating impact of a circumcised penis on female sexuality such as inability to reach orgasm as easily or at all, vaginal dryness, low libido, disinterest in sex, fear of sex, painful sex, sexual inadequacy or inferiority, need to fake orgasms, unknowingly blaming themselves for the dysfunction (that something is wrong with them or their genitalia) when it’s actually the circumcised penis that is causing the problems.
A significant number of circumcisions are performed on newborns or sometime during infancy and most of them use no anesthetic and very few use topical anesthetic which is not very effective at numbing the pain because there is a widespread belief that infants do not feel pain (see Doctor’s used to believe babies couldn’t feel pain?! YouTube video) or will not remember it when they are older. Infants do indeed feel pain as pain plays an important role in teaching the infant what to avoid to keep safe or to cry to get help or protection. It is true that most will not consciously remember the circumcision they experienced during infancy as they grow older, but the unconscious memory is even more dangerous creating unconscious psychological issues such as low self-esteem, initially hyper-sensitivity to pain and then later insensitivity to one’s own pain and the pain of others, hatred or mistrust of females (and therefore more cheating or betraying their female partner), associating sex with violence such as rape and sadomasochism, sex addiction or promiscuity (inability to commit), pedophilia (sex with children or infants to inflict sexual pain or discomfort in children), obsession with sodomy because of its ability to inflict pain or discomfort on another using one’s penis, and homosexuality because of the unconscious anathema towards women and obsession with sodomy.
There is also the moral issue of removal of healthy tissue on a person who is not old enough to consent. The person had no choice or say in the permanent removal of a very personal/private part of their body. In addition, the rate of complications and even death are significantly higher in infants than in adults. The adult can get proper anesthesia (the more effective anesthesia cannot be given to infants because of higher risk of death) and pain medicine afterwards. The doctor can also more accurately assess how much to cut off because the penis is already fully developed. With infants the doctors are just guessing and have no way of knowing how big the penis will be when the infant is an adult which can lead to over-cutting or under-cutting resulting in some painful or ugly deformities later in life. The adult already has a retracted foreskin whereas an infant is born with the foreskin fused with the glans of penis with a tissue called penile synechia which slowly dissolves over many years as the infant reaches puberty allowing the foreskin to retract naturally at its due time. In infant circumcision, before the foreskin can be cut, the doctor has to force a blunt probe into the opening of the foreskin to rip apart the penile synechia which is very painful in itself. The whole circumcision process is so traumatic for an infant that they usually cry uncontrollably during and many time afterwards (these babies are usually termed “colic”) and some infants go into a state of shock to cope with the intensity of the pain and shock.
The good news is that men can regrow or recover their foreskin using a variety of methods (see Foreskin Restoration: Get Your Foreskin Back).
Caution With Karezza
Karezza has been promoted as a spiritual way of making love or as a love-making meditation that involves slow, relaxed, gentle, affectionate intercourse in which orgasm is not the goal for both partners and actually is avoided by keeping a safe level of arousal avoiding oral sex, anal sex, porn, and any other accelerated-arousal methods. The idea is to increase bonding behaviors between the couple and circulate back and forth the life-force sexual energy instead of losing it through orgasm and feeling depleted afterwards. The basic idea is that orgasm is meant for procreation only (i.e., to ejaculate the sperm and for the vagina to contract to extract as much of the semen as possible upwards towards the uterus) and the large amounts of energy released via the orgasm is used towards the creation of another human being. If a couple does not want to have children, then they should do another form of sex in which orgasm is not the goal, but bonding, healing, and the ongoing expression of love for each other is. With the sexual energy building up in both partners and circulating back and forth through the affectionate intercourse, it will come to a point when the amount of sexual energy one can hold in one’s energy field begins to overflow its container making it hard to distinguish between pre-orgasm and orgasm because the orgasm is released more slowly via a constant and gentle overflow. Conventional sex, on the other hand, pursues orgasm even if the container is not full or overflowing and therefore more vigorous, stimulating tactics or methods are often needed to reach orgasm. Once orgasm is reached the container is easily emptied again (because it was low to begin with) making one feel depleted afterwards and therefore tired or not as interested in your partner as before.
On the surface, Karezza looks like a wonderful way to develop spiritually the love between a couple. However, upon closer examination, it can be a dangerous tool if Love is not first developed by healing one’s own wounds and insecurities or at least done in conjunction with Karezza. One cannot experience or feel true Love for one’s partner if one has wounds and insecurities. The feeling of Love for your partner is really all you need to fuel sexual energy because the energy of Love is infinite and therefore the sexual energy can be infinite so to fear losing your energy through orgasm would be a non-issue when a relationship is fueled by Love. Orgasms fueled by Love as mentioned above are the ultimate expression of Love on all levels of being (physical, mental, emotional, spiritual) between the couple. Since Love-fueled orgasms come from infinite energy, there is no dopamine crash (the neurotransmitter that gets you feeling “high”) and you get just enough prolactin hormone to make you feel sexually satisfied or satiated but never to the point of irritability or boredom with your partner. In fact, the Love-fueled orgasms intensifies the bond between the couple instead of weaken it (compared to empty sex which makes you feel uncomfortable with the person and want to leave afterwards), proving that monogamous relationships are natural for human beings who have the level of intelligence and consciousness to be able to feel this level of Love for each other. Just because orgasms can lead to pregnancy does not mean that you must avoid orgasms when you want to avoid conceiving because most women are fertile at most only 5 days out of each month. As on as she knows her body’s mucus pattern of fertility (see Billing’s Method to learn more), she can simply plan for that 3-5 day fertility period each month to avoid conceiving (or to conceive). I have successfully avoided any accidental or unplanned pregnancies and have successfully planned three pregnancies two years apart and even know their exact moment of conception this way.
With the energy of Love, Karezza can be dangerous because the energy is already so abundant that holding it back and releasing it very slowly will most likely create sexual frustration rather than satisfaction and frustration can lead to sexual perversion. Without the energy of Love, Karezza can also be dangerous in that focusing on the slow physical touching or love-making as a way to build-up sexual energy can make the couple want to make love much more frequently and much longer making the sexual activity take up enormous amounts of time out of a couple’s day, creating an imbalance in their life and life purpose. It also prevents them from taking the time to focus on healing each other’s wounds and insecurities because they are using this slow physical love-making to pacify each other (avoid each other’s issues) thereby not resulting in any spiritual growth.
The only thing I would recommend from Karezza are some of the love-making techniques they recommend such as telling each other what one likes, loves, or appreciates about the other before the love-making session, exchanging full-body massages regularly, any loving, affectionate, healing touching or caressing, and some slow, relaxed, affectionate vaginal intercourse. Emphasis should be put on helping each other heal and become whole again so that Love can grow and naturally increase sexual energy (not by artificially avoiding orgasms) so that the love-making does not need to be so vigorous or rushed in order to feel stimulated or to feel the immediate need for relief.
Beware of Tantric Sex
A sexual practice being marketed as spiritual or a way to obtain spiritual enlightenment is Tantric sex which originated from an ancient Indian tradition or religion that seeks to channel sexual energy into divine energy to help achieve enlightenment. Taoist and Tantric Buddhist sex practices are similar but come from the Chinese and Tibetan traditions. On the surface Tantric sex looks spiritual in the sense that it encourages people to view sex as a sacred ritual, to view each partner as a sacred deity to be worshiped, to focus on your breathing and your partner during the ritual, visualize the sexual energy going up or circulating through your body and your partner’s, and explore all kinds of touch and positions prolonging the ritual to increase sensitivity and energy. Some Tantric sex traditions teach how to achieve enlightenment through orgasm and others teach how to achieve enlightenment by avoiding orgasm (especially for the man). The dangers of Tantric sex is similar to Karezza in that it encourages you to use sex to pacify or enhance your relationship. This is a backwards teaching (a common approach of the Satanic religion) in which we are taught to do the opposite of what is actually Life-giving, validating, supporting, or enhancing, thereby taking us closer to Death. Focusing on sex to have a great sex life and to use it as a way to worship each other is putting the cart before the horse. We need to focus on healing our own wounds and insecurities first so that we can naturally feel and experience more Love for each other and let that naturally fuel our desire to express that Love sexually. What is happening in Tantric sex is an artificial stimulation of sexual energy by simply changing the view of sex as a sacred ritual and to focus on enhancing sexual energy through physical breathing, touching, visualizing energy, and yogic sex positions. Like all artificial stimulation, it can only last so long before it burns out and we need something new to sustain us. This is the reason why there are so many reports of sex scandals and infidelity among Tantric sex teachers and practitioners (Broad, 2012; Chandler, 2016; Finnigan, 2011; Vallely, 1999). Some Tantric coaches even make money by offering to masturbate people to heal and release emotional problems which is another cart-before-the-horse scenario.
How Jealousy Can Help a Monogamous Relationship
The feeling of jealousy in a monogamous relationship is great feedback for both partners. For the person who feels jealousy, it indicates an insecurity, fear, concern, or anxiety over a potential loss of one’s partner to someone else. For the other partner, it tells them that the other person does not want to lose them and that something in the relationship is making their partner feel insecure about themselves or the other person. A lack of trust in the beginning of a relationship makes sense and trust needs to be earned and developed over time. Being honest about the jealousy will help the partner know that they are still valued and may even help re-ignite their union.
Oneness (Universal Love) vs Uniqueness (Creative Love)
In JAL’s book Spirituality: The Awareness of Reality — How to ‘see’ the unseen and break free from the suffering caused by a narrow perception of reality, the concept of Oneness is described as the Unseen, Sameness, Non-physical, or Unmanifest that underlies the manifest or physical world. Being in the state of Oneness with everyone and everything (also referred to as Universal Love), we naturally feel compassion and empathy for all sentient beings which prevents our egos from getting too big so that we do not hurt, lie, cheat, steal, mock, or kill each other. While it is a beautiful concept and state that is much needed in the face of egoism and narcissism that seems to characterize modern Western society, it is also true that we are all unique individuals. In fact, uniqueness is the defining characteristic of the visible world of Nature. In Nature, you will never find two leaves, trees, fruit, animals, insects, birds, geological structures, wind, cloud, sun, and moon patterns that are exactly the same on the gross physical level. This is a testament to the creativity of the Creator. To be creative means to create something new, something that did not exist before. Each human being that has ever come into existence is so unique physically, mentally, and emotionally that they are never repeated again in the past, present, or future. This uniqueness is the ultimate gift of the Creator so that we can each be and enjoy a unique expression of Life. Non-monogamous relationships by definition do not celebrate, honor, or respect the uniqueness of an individual. Only in a monogamous relationship (a special love between two unique individuals, also referred to as Creative Love) can you say to a person: “you are the only one for me, you are my one and only, the only unique expression of Life that complements perfectly my unique expression of Life.” When a person tells you this, your uniqueness is celebrated and honored till death do you part and your sexual union with this person has the potential to create or bring into this world another beautiful, unique human being born from that unique Creative Love.
Why It is Easier to Love Many, But Difficult to Love One
Polyamory professes to spread the love to many instead of just hoarding it for only one. However, when you dig deeper you’ll find that real Love (or its full expression) takes time to develop because you can only really Love someone when you and your partner do not have wounds and insecurities in the way causing friction in the relationship. Love is about deep connection with another by healing all your wounds and insecurities (which is really hard to do especially when so many people are clueless or in denial about their own wounds and insecurities) as well as helping your partner do the same. The best way to develop this deep connection with another is to focus on developing that deep connection with one person only. It’s like having just one best friend which is why we call them our “best” friend. It is illogical to have many “best” friends. When you love many people, the love can only be superficial because of the sheer amount of time to dedicate to each person to obtain this level of deep connection. However, when you dedicate your life to only one person, your chances of developing the deepest love or deepest connection (highest level of intimacy or bond) with this person are very high if the relationship is approached with the intention to heal oneself in order to connect deeply with them. Already there are complaints in monogamous relationships about not being able to find enough time for each other in a busy world so adding on multiple partners makes this even worst. If you want to make someone feel special and honor, celebrate, and thoroughly enjoy their uniqueness, be with only them. Otherwise, being with multiple people and calling it “many Loves” (which is what poly-amory actually means) just does not have the same special feeling as your One and only True Love, or the Love of your Life. What it really boils down to is the depth of your Love (and therefore the depth of your healing or enlightenment). If you want to experience the ultimate and deepest Love of all, you will need a monogamous relationship. If you do not need to have the deepest connection or Love (experience a more superficial love), then polyamory is the way to go. It’s easier to love humankind than to love one person in particular.
The Power of the Nuclear Relationship
In short, monogamy is really the ultimate expression of Eternal Love, a Love that lasts forever and is Unconditional. There is no such thing as transient or short-term Love. If you do not love forever, you are not experiencing Love. Love is unconditional in the sense that it will continue to love despite conflicts or pain inflicted as these are opportunities to heal and therefore resulting in loving even more (see Unconditional Love: The Only Thing Worth Fighting For). A monogamous relationship is the nuclear love relationship that will impact or become the spiritual foundation of all other relationships (parent-child, friends, relatives, co-workers, acquaintances, strangers) including the relationship to yourself. Some say that the relationship with yourself is actually the most important relationship, but actually it cannot be because in order for a relationship to be really effective, we need another person to actually reflect back our own self. It’s like going through life without ever seeing a mirror so we have no idea what we look like. Though it is definitely helpful and recommended to spend a period of time alone getting to know yourself and being comfortable with that (similar to spending time in meditation to achieve a certain level of stability), the true test and realization of self or wholeness can only come from interacting with another in a very deep relationship. We did not incarnate on Earth just to find wholeness in our self, but to be able to maintain and express that wholeness when in deep relationship with another which is the ultimate expression of Wholeness. From this monogamous relationship each person has an ideal opportunity to completely heal themselves, become whole again and therefore attain spiritual enlightenment, a state of freedom from emotional and mental suffering through the experience of Love in every moment of our life. From this nuclear or Creative Love everyone who comes in contact with you will benefit and change for the better for Creative Love is what fuels Universal Love and not vice versa, and from this Universal Love your true purpose and life mission will be born.
Monogamy is Not About Bondage & Possession But About Freedom From Your Own Prison
Polyamorists tend to believe that monogamy is a form of bondage and possession. That to claim that another person belongs to only you is an act of selfish possession like you are treating the other person as your property that no one else can have. Preventing the other person from being with another who they desire or love is seen as a sign of disrespect according to the polyamorist when in fact desiring to be with another is actually a symptom of a wound or insecurity that has not been healed in the person or in the relationship. First of all, those who are freely committing themselves to one person for life is technically not bondage or possession because the commitment is mutual, meaning that each person in the monogamous relationship freely chose to be with each other for life. Bondage or possession is one person owning another and not vice versa. Monogamy is not a master-slave relationship, but a mutual relationship in which each person vows to express a Love so deep for each other through the physical sacred union of two unique souls. The best way to experience and be able to express the deepest Love or connection of all is to heal oneself completely of all wounds and insecurities through a monogamous relationship, thereby freeing yourself from your own internal prison.
The Sacred Role of Children in a Sacred Marriage
The beauty of a sacred marriage is the opportunity to create together not only positive changes in the individuals in the marriage and in the world at large, but to physically bring into this world the next generation, new unique individuals (and new unique genes in the human gene pool) to carry on the positive aspects of their parents’ legacy, improve upon the negative aspects, and create their own unique legacy to the world. Children also play a critical role in the couple’s healing or enlightenment journey in that they automatically put the couple in the position of parents which activates all the couples’ traumas, wounds, and insecurities they learned or acquired from their own parents during childhood. They will inevitably see themselves in their children and replicate all unhealed issues from their own childhood onto their own children if they are not conscious of this sacred role of children in a sacred marriage. Children also place additional responsibilities on the couple and therefore more stress or challenges requiring more time, attention, energy, and money which makes it even easier for our wounds and insecurities to come out as stress is the best way to have the worst in us come out. This is why I waited five years before having my first child after getting married. I unconsciously knew that having a child would provide more opportunities for growth. Couples without children may claim to be happier and even become relationship coaches or gurus (e.g., Gay and Katie Hendricks and Maha and Daivd Brown). It is similar to being at peace and being happy meditating in a cave or in the forest, but once you are put to the test in the real world interacting closely with those who will trigger your childhood wounds and insecurities the happiness and peace are instantly gone and therefore you have really not progressed as far as you can in your spiritual journey on Earth. This is why we have multiple lifetimes to achieve spiritual perfection. For those concerned with contributing to overpopulation, see the Overpopulation is a Myth videos to see some scientific evidence that proves otherwise with some societies in danger of extinction if the trend is not reversed.
The Three Phases of Holy Matrimony
The first phase of a sacred marriage is the Honeymoon phase in which we are in love with an image of perfection of our spouse, of our spouse’s full potential. Even though the spouse is far from perfect, we do not see this in this phase. This phase is relatively short compared to the other two phases.
The second phase is the Healing Journey phase in which we start to encounter or realize our spouse’s imperfections, and if we are honest about ourselves, our own imperfections that take the form of wounds and insecurities. This phase can take many years depending on the number of wounds and insecurities and level of courage, honesty, and quality of communication there is between the couple. To help speed up the healing process in this phase, the couple must remember that every conflict is created by wounds and insecurities of both spouses that need to be recognized and owned by each spouse. If either spouse blames the conflict on the other, then they are projecting their own issue onto the other (scapegoating) and refusing to take responsibility for one’s own wounds and insecurities in the conflict, thereby denying one’s self the opportunity to heal. Even if one is a victim of a transgression, there are always opportunities to learn how one can prevent or avoid victimization in the first place and how victimization also stems from and stirs-up old self-esteem and self-worth issues that need to be healed or resolved. The couple needs to decide who should take the role of the coach, teacher, or healer and who should take the role of the client, student, or patient first and switch roles or alternate between them so that both partners have the opportunity to help the other as well as be helped by the other. Be sure to use the Reconnecting Your Holy Trinity method detailed in the Beyond the Earth Matrix: Soul-Harvesting in the Cosmic Matrix & How to Free Yourself blog article as a guide through the healing process.
The third phase is the Marital Bliss or Enlightenment phase in which each person’s wounds and insecurities are healed and they are full of Love and are whole again. Conflicts should cease between them and Harmony and Love abound radiating or overflowing from their relationship to their children, relatives, friends, co-workers, acquaintances, and strangers. At this stage, the marriage becomes a powerful beacon of light for the world as the couple has the capacity to create together much needed positive and powerful changes in the world. JAL and I are just getting glimpses of this phase now so we are not stabilized here yet, but we feel it is just a matter of time. Though we may never reach Perfection, it does not mean we do not try our very best to get as close as possible to it.